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VIDEO: Saturn's demise? We blame Jim Gaffigan*

Click above to view the video after the jump
When the deal to sell Saturn to Penske Automotive fell through, there were likely a lot of surprised people at General Motors' Detroit, MI headquarters. Penske released a statement saying that the reason the deal fell through after months of good faith negotiations was that a suitable post-GM supply of vehicles could not be found. However, after reacquainting ourselves with over eight minutes of outtakes from Jim Gaffigan's old Saturn commercial, we're thinking the comedic pitchman is to blame.

Clever video selling Saturn Ion "sex machine" will catch your eye

"When I think of the most impressive, industry changing, earth shattering vehicles of recent history, the first car that comes to my mind is the 2004 Saturn Ion Coupe." So says Brad Holt of Dallas, Texas. And he's right, clearly. One look at the specific specimen Holt is selling will be enough to convince you that the car "will absolutely tickle every one of your fancies," as claimed by the seller himself.
We suggest you watch the video below to see just how perfectly Holt's sex machine will fit into your life. The end result will no doubt be exactly as Holt ends his video: "You need it. Like a lot." You can also read more info from Brad in an interview here. If only our offices were a little closer to Dallas...

Car thief lands Saturn on Fresno roof

Residents of a Fresno, California apartment building recently awoke to debris falling from their ceiling after a car thief managed to execute a perfect parking job on the structure's roof. Police say 26-year-old Benjamin Tucker stole the Saturn sedan from a nearby house before striking either a curb or some rocks, vaulting the vehicle into the air and onto the roof. After seeing his predicament, Tucker leapt from the roof and fled the scene. Or at least he tried to. Tucker broke his leg in the fall and only made it around a quarter of a mile from the crash when police picked him up.
No one else was harmed in the stunt.
Tucker had two outstanding warrants for his arrest at the time for a hit-and-run and evading police. A special crane had to be called in to remove the Saturn from the apartment roof and the structure will indeed require repairs. Hit the jump for a news report on the incident.